I did not need to ask google for helpful tips about what conversations I’d have with you on our first date (Remember I told you I met with so many boring and brutish men all in the name of dates). You were just so perfect. God had given you to me as my trophy-gift of a friend. You were the definition of classical epic. Simple and yet classy. How would a girl not fall for that? I did have my version and definition of perfection but you waltzed into my life and changed what philosophy of perfection I clung to: Tall, dark and handsome! I was left with a fine gentleman that had tall, beautiful and scary dreams in his lanky not so tall frame. Neither dark nor fair but toned enough to be tagged ‘oyibo’.
Handsome in your own unique way.
Those dark glassy eyes that always had the ability of looking into my soul scared me shitless at first (lol) but I grew to love them as I could not really do without them. They showed me the way when darkness covered my horizon and clouded my vision. They spoke the very silent words I needed to hear that could not be formed.
With a heart that cared more about others than yourself. What I have always thought will be the death of you. You are not Jesus Christ for crying out loud!
You set me free from my inhibitions, my fears and the dark thoughts that would usually take residence in my small head, the fierce silent voice that would scream and taunt me. You calmed me in ways I cannot put to words. You indulged my stupid wild tantrums and had eyes for only me. The remedy for my most often than not broken heart- You!
I won’t tell you what it is like here. It’s my secret now. I know you’ll come out of this coma and that you will learn to live without me. One thing I however pray for is that you will get over your guilt because you only granted me an easy way out of my misery when you lost control of the car and ran into the trailer while trying to save me from my sudden convulsion. I saw that you cared not for your safety at that moment, I saw how confused and shocked you were and how focused you were concentrating on how to calm the tremors that came calling out of the blues (something the doctors had warned may happen because of the tumour that preferred to house itself in a part of my head).
This end is bitter sweet for I floated away without the horrible pain of cancer that was destined to plaque me for six weeks but you languish now in this coma. Locked in your own body.
It is said “you can’t undo the choices you make”; in my case, I am so happy and would never have wished to have made another choice. It’s been the best thing that has happened to me – you!
Silly; we were only trying to play pretend. Chiefly to shield me from the prying eyes of men (I had had enough of them thus, my much needed sabbatical leave) and nonsensical questions I wasn’t ready to entertain from our former class mates at Amaka’s wedding.
“You don’t need to fall in love to be in love you know? And we can help ourselves if we play pretend”. These were your words but it only led us to the fountain of love, for in pretence, we found a voice or rather something deeper than what we’ve ever shared in the past six years. Friendship blossomed into love. Bearing each other’s pain and basking in each other’s joy bore us a bond that I will forever be grateful for.
When you wake, I know that everything and I mean every–little-thing will remind you of me as I am of you here but I trust that as time passes, the memories of us will linger but I will surely begin to fade away from your memory. That you will survive without me and that you may still find love and drink of another’s cup that which we would have had (forever-love) had another forever not come calling.
When you awake, you’ll remember my reading this letter and others to you and they’ll remind you of me even when your mind had erased my face and locked me away in a dungeon dug up for the memories of me or us you want to leave behind.
I have always loved you,
My friend, my lover and the missing part of me.
INTENSIVE CARE UNIT – GREEN OLIVES MEDICAL CENTRE (Banana Island, Ikoyi – Lagos State)
“Caleb! Can you hear me?”
“Doctor! Doctor! He is awake!” Ayodele screamed as he ran out of the room.