Dear broken heart,
“There will be nightmares and every day when you wake up, it’ll be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing”
Sounds absurd but you will hear this quote in a few months and it will make all the sense.
I know you have just lost the love of your life and don’t know what to do with yourself.
All you see and feel now is this pain and those gut-wrenching memories
You can’t stop crying
Your heart has lost its rhythm. 2 beats one second. 10 beats the next. Deep throbbing aches in-between.
You are sure you are going to die.
That is a lie.
I know it hurts that much… I am so sorry.
But I promise you…
Morning breaks after a while.
One day you realize that you made it all the day to 11am without a crying break at work
You go a whole day without checking his last seen time on Whatsapp.
You even catch someone’s eye in traffic and the thought of being in love again crosses your mind for a minute.
Don’t scoff. You really do fall in love again.
But leave that thought…
All I ask right now is that you take it one day at a time.
Wake up each day. But don’t get up immediately. Give yourself a few minutes.
Go on with mindlessly dressing up. But stick with the easy, boring colours…no mixing and matching in this mood please
Force a smile when you can. Only when you can. Or when you see your aunt. You don’t need the added pressure of her asking what is wrong
Don’t worry that you only can walk with your head down…Father meets you right there… with fallen rose petals here and there
Look up sometimes. He has some magic up there for you too.
Don’t try to sleep it away. Those few moments of ignorance as soon as you wake up aren’t worth the hard jabs your heart feels when it remembers
Take it all in. Cry until you have no tears. Hide until you can face the world again. Let the pain run its course. I already told you it doesn’t kill you.
Concerning your future protection plans…
Your certainty that if by any chance you survive this, the wound will heal into a permanent scab, a hard scab which will protect you forever from any feeling in the future…
Lol it doesn’t quite work that way
You will feel this pain at least once after this and it is even worse the next time because then you won’t have naivety to blame.
You will again choose hardness at some point but those will be the most lifeless days of your life
You quickly realize that although hard hearts don’t cry, they also don’t dance
So you will pray
And Father will ask that you will take it all apart…the hardness, layer by layer
He will teach you the strength in tenderness.
It is the harder road, you deciding to gracefully and tenderly wade through the hard winds in life …but you find that it is the only way to live like you want…fully and abundantly
You will learn the wisdom of putting gates in your walls. That your heart should only be guarded not locked away.
You will feel love more than you ever imagined and find that your wild ideas of love weren’t as crazy as you thought.
You will be me someday… Laughing, Healing, Trusting again
So cry on darling. But remember…This will pass.
PS: He was not the love of your life.
Written by Akor Akpenyi: Passionate God lover, Love enthusiast, Positive thinker, Witty and Charming!