Dear Fear – Anxiety and Worry,
It’s been a long time coming and I hope this meets you well.
I’ve borne you for far too long and it’s not good for my health in any way, this part I know that you know because you always come by just to mock me. It so happens to be your favourite past time – the voice in my head mocking me!
In all of my days past, you have painted me the lie in a beautiful big portrait of how I’m no good and how I’ll amount to nothing, of how I’ll be blown away by the wind and forgotten like the falling star – no one ever cares if it was feasting with the galaxy kings before its fall; in the end it’s only a shimmering flash of light seen streaking across the sky.
What a trio you are – the perfect team, always ready to bring me to my knees, the tears were only to show how well organised you were, they were all your trophies – uncountable glossy fluid stacked in an unseen trophy case – my tears!
You made sure of it that the third words I was familiar with were the one that was to define me for years to come – failure, fool, stupid, incompetent, not-good-enough, ugly – you sure know the rest, there’s no need to go on and on about them.
Each time I felt I had escaped from your vicious grip, just then you strolled back in the door with the tag – you are all mine, throwing new levels of thunderbolt swivelling storm to drown me – maybe it was just to threaten to drown because you never really did go further than almost drowning me on each occasion. My pillow bore the brunt of the lonely yet brutish fluid that would then sip through my eyes – a scar it bore until Love came calling.
I had always known Love but a part of me had given up calling on Him for help, He never really showed up when I called out to Him – I surmised Love was just a light in the shadow watching you torment me at your free will but now I know I was wrong all along. Love was calling out to me but I ignored Him, believing instead the lies you all have fed me for so long.
He had my back all along and I knew it not – the one person that held a different narrative for my life – Jesus!
His love has set me free – free from the bondage of you. You no longer hold me bound in your cocoon of perfumed lies. The mistakes and heartaches and failures and low self-esteem and identity crisis and the rest as I now call them, are not who I am. I have been set free by the Love – the steadfast Love.
All of my failures work for me – I fail forward, learning daily to grow in my weaknesses for Love is my strength. Never again will you rule over me through failure – I am now victorious, working in faith and sharing my story to help others who were like me know that Love conquers all things. That in Love, you all are cast out, crushed and defeated.
I have learned over time that my life is not a destination but a journey; that your PR campaigns will work only for a while until Love steps in, in Love, lines fall for me in pleasant places, I begin to do the things I could not do in the past, favour encompasses me, I become qualified by grace being intentional even in hard work. I own the narrative of my life and I speak life to people around me and they enter into ‘the light’.
Love has surrounded me with PI, PO, The LifePointe, The Oasis, Ibk, NJ, Ani, Folabi, Godwin and Gloria, Samuel, Cynthia, Foluso, Akor, Ilk, Oyinkan, Ekpe – an innumerable number of an awesome and amazing and loving family I can’t exhaust here.
I haven’t figured out what tomorrow will bring even though I know what my dreams are, there are things I am yet to figure out like my accommodation and career path and my life is not all rosy but I won’t ever give in to you again – I won’t lose my peace, my joy, my sound mind and my precious sleep. At any time you come knocking, I’ll laugh at you in Spanish and shut the door in your face.
The one who left you hanging, crushed and defeated,
P.s – Thank you all for reading and keeping pace with the #30Letters series. It would have been a lost cause without you. I am most grateful to those that graciously shared their letters with us, it has been an impactful over #30 days! Lives have been transformed, renewed, and saved – I receive testimonies on a weekly basis of this.
It’s a wrap!
Looking forward to having you all on our August series – #LessonsLifeHasTaughtMe commencing from the 5th of August to the 3rd of September 2017.
You can send in your stories to firstname.lastname@example.org