‘My Name is Love and I’m not Stupid’ (FAMILY) VI

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Mr Solomon
How do you deal with life when you know your only child is dying and there is nothing you can do about it? This has been the question on my mind ever since she broke the news of her Cancer. I am a strong believer in God and I believe in miracles too, that’s why I pray every day to Him for one for my baby.
If God could transfer the cancer to me I wouldn’t mind.
At times, looking at her, I wonder what manner of pain she goes through. She is very good at masking her emotions I know but I can always see through her pain and discomfort. She thinks she is smart; well, she actually is. That’s my baby. As stubborn and strong willed as her mum. They are my two most favourite people in the world. I watch my wife age over since the news. She has even lost weight.
Hmmm… I don’t know what God is trying to tell us as a family but I don’t think we are ready for it yet.
My sister had told me yesterday at her place, “Don’t you think you are lucky to see her like this before she passes away than she would have died suddenly, leaving you unprepared for her demise?” The question got me all worked up and angry at her because what luck is there to see your very active child suffer in pain but then again, I saw her point. I think we would have been more devastated if she died suddenly. This brief period is just a time to prepare us for the inevitable when it happens. We can shower her with all the love we can think of. The truth, however, is that our lives had changed right from when we received the news about her condition and it will change even more if God does not make a miracle happen.
So we had agreed to at least break the news to Justice Onifade or Mrs. Onifade as she prefers being called by us, who would have been our in-law if this ugly thing called ‘cancer’ had not come to surprise us all.
She is a lovely and wise woman. At least she will know how best to tell her son the news. I feel sorry for him. I rang the bell and waited as I heard footsteps approach the door.
“Oh! Welcome sir. It’s been a long time.” Miss Grace the housekeeper said as she ushered me inside the stylishly designed, magnificent sitting room. The room stuns me each time I come here. The colour and the lighting even in daylight are awesome and pleasing to the eye. The interior design is in a class of its own. It screams of very good and eclectic taste. Classy doesn’t begin to define it. You can imagine how pleasantly shocked I was when I learned that Mrs. Onified designed this place herself. She is really gifted.
“Yes, Miss Grace! How are you?”
“I’m fine thank you, sir.” “Please make yourself comfortable while I inform His Lordship that you are here.” It felt strange to hear her referred to as ‘His Lordship’ at home because she had told us that she preferred Mrs. Onifade.
I took a seat as I waited for my never to be in-law.
I heard the piercing scream from up above me, it was one of fear. Probably coming from one of the rooms upstairs. I also heard shuffling of foots running towards the voice.
I leaped up, running up the winding stairs to see what was wrong. I saw her run into the room which I suppose the voice came from, so I followed suit.
Tito is lying on the bed as if asleep while a young man in a black corporate Jacket kneeling on the bed clutched his head shouting his name as if he was insane. Mrs. Onifade rushes to his side asking the young man, “what is wrong with him?” whilst calling out his name with so much dread in her voice.
“What is wrong with him?” I asked trying to be the only sane one in the room seeing Mrs. Onifade had gone almost frenetic what with the sound of her voice and the look on her face.
The young man who is now crying points to the white paper on the ground as he tries to say something legible as his tears stifle him. Just as I picked up the paper, I heard them gasp. “Tito!”
I turned to look at him as he asked: “What is wrong?” He looked stray-eyed and a little disorientated. I saw the shock and relief on everyone’s face.
“Are you mad? Why would you do that to your family?” the young,  man screamed at him still crying but this time I believe they were tears of joy and obviously relieve as I could hear it in his voice.
“What did he do?” Mrs. Onifade asked in an almost cracked and tired voice as she cuddled his head lovingly with a sigh. Her eyes red and puffy from crying.
It was then I took a look at the paper in my hand and it was as if I was hit by with a sledgehammer as I felt around for a chair to help maintain my balance. This did not help Mrs. Onifade who saw my reaction and asked again, this time using the authoritative official tone Judges are known to use when soliciting an answer from people in court.
“What does that say?”
“Please ma, let’s talk outside” I suggested as I stood up rather slowly.
“What is wrong?” she asked exasperatedly as she threw suspicious darting looks between the young man, her son and I.
She stood and led the way to the living room as I walked behind her.
“I believe you have something to tell me Mr. Solomon.” She said as she suddenly spurned round looking me in the eye as though challenging me to say no.
“That paper says Tito tried to commit suicide because my daughter broke up with him today. But beyond that, he doesn’t know why she did break up with him which is why I came to see you.” I saw the glint of shock cast over her as her face clouded over and cleared immediately as she stood up.
“Excuse me. I’ll be right back.” She said as she walked out briskly.
I heard the conversation from where I sat because her voice was more or less thundering.
“Tito! How could you? That was bloody selfish of you. Did you ever pause to think what your stupidity would have caused us as a family? By the way; how come you are still alive since according to this note…” she waves the note in the air. “You took an overdose of the sleeping pill which is supposed to help you die as a coward.”
Silence.
“Will you open your mouth and talk to me, young man”.
“I thought about you and Ayobami and I couldn’t do it”. I think that was what he said since he wasn’t really audible from where I was sitting.
“So you didn’t swallow the pills after all, right?” I heard a tone of relief in her voice.
“Yes mom”.
Silence.
“I thought I taught you enough about life but obviously I haven’t”.
Pause
“No! I have taught you more than enough, you just refused to learn and act as the wise, courageous young man I have trained you to be”.
I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to stop her from lashing out at the young man and destroying what bit of self-esteem he had left.
“Mrs Onifade, please, let it be for now. It is not his fault. Just calm down.” I said as I strode into the room. Without turning to me she asked, “So are you trying to tell me to blame your daughter?  I won’t do that. She has her reasons. It is up to him to work things out. There is no perfect relationship. There will be storms but couples have to wither through either collectively or individually as the case may be. So there is no excuse for this foolishness”. Her eyes still trained on Tito who sat head bowed as a criminal who had just been convicted of a heinous crime. She hisses, shakes her head, turns and walks out.
“Hey son, don’t you worry. You will be fine”. I said not believing those words.
I met her in the living room still fuming.
“Please calm down”. I said to her.
“Stop telling me to calm down. I would have lost my only son today!”
“My daughter has cancer. Cancer of the heart.” She gasped in shock. Blood drained from her face as her mouth hung open.
“How? Oh! My God. Why?” I knew that was an irrational question and she was trying to process what she just heard so I let it pass before adding, “She has less than three months to live”.
She stood up as if to walk out, a taut mask of pain on her face but her footsteps faltered as she fell to the ground.
I rushed towards her petrified as I screamed her name shaking her now limp body.

DAVID

I pick up my phone to call Tosin as my driver eases the car into the traffic as we leave the hospital. Today has been quite a day indeed.
“Hello Love! Where are you?” I asked in a tired voice. I was hungry and worn out for the day.
“Hey love!” “I just got home. What’s Up! You sound really stressed out”.
“You got it right love. I’m really stressed out but believe me, it’s a short story. I can’t start telling you all about it on phone”.
“Argh…you’ve started with this your ‘short story ‘ talk.” she said testily.
I laughed. I think it is the first time I am laughing today.
“David! If I catch you ehn…!” she threatened mockingly.
“Okay.  I will tell you but you have to prepare me that egusi soup and pounded yam you promised me last week at my mum’s place.”
“David! Repeat after me, ‘I am not serious’. Do you know what time it is? It’s past 7 pm already. But well, I may still surprise you because my sister prepared egusi soup and brought me some yesterday. ”
“I knew it! The Lord is directing my footsteps. Whew!”  She laughed.
“Footsteps ni, footsteps ko. Shebi it is because of egusi soup that you are saying that He is directing your footsteps. For your information, there is no yam flour but I can prepare you amala if you don’t mind.” “Oh! Okay! It’s better than nothing jare. You think that will stop me from devouring that egusi soup. I don’t mind licking the soup without the amala sef.” She laughs.
“I believe that stress is really affecting you. You had better hurry and get here before I change my mind about giving you my egusi.”
“Babe, if you change your mind, then I guess I’ll just change my mind about you and check out that your knocked-knee office Secretary! Ermm…What’s that her name again? I said teasingly.
“David Oh!” She exclaimed laughing hard.
“Hey, you know I love you right?” I said.
“I know. That’s why I’m not serving you that egusi soup again but get here fast. I miss you.” she said as she hung up before I had the chance to chip in a reply.
God! I love this woman. For some reason I don’t know why I still have a huge grin on my face. I wonder if she will stop having this effect on me. She is always facetious. I don’t even remember I had a terrible day.
I told my driver to make a detour to her place.

BOLATITO

We are driving home and I am seething at mum for being too headstrong by insisting to take her leave from the hospital when she came through after the doctors and resuscitated her. I am also mad at Dr Yetunde who acquiesced. How am I supposed to know that she will be okay at home? At least she should be kept in the hospital and be observed for at least a day to make sure that she is really okay. I mean, she gave me a scare there when I saw her lying lifeless on the ground today.
So the doctor says she has high blood pressure.
Now I feel bad. This is all my fault, if only had not written that stupid note; nobody would have had inkling as to my drama. She holds my hand intertwined in hers and has remained quiet ever since we left the hospital.
I’m wondering what is going on through her mind right now. I wouldn’t mind paying a penny for her thoughts right now. She looks pale, almost fragile. She looks very different now. I almost lost her. God!
Thank God for Mr Solomon who was with her. David has once again proved to be a friend in deed, coming through for me and running round with me and being part of the family drama. God bless him. Ayobami was frenetic when I called to inform her. She couldn’t make it to the hospital so she kept calling at thirty minutes interval for updates. She is now on her way home to receive us. I wonder what I would have done without her.
She has been a great influence on me just like mum.

Mr Solomon  

The whole events of today won’t stop playing in my head because I can’t stop thinking about it. Everything happened so fast. It felt surreal. It more or less ranked among one of those things that happen that you will rather want to believe is a dream. Tito and his friend had run out to see why I had screamed. I thank God Tito was composed enough to rap his head round the whole thing and stayed sane enough to call the family doctor. Same could not be said about the young man who was his friend as he cried and whimpered like a baby all through the journey to the hospital. As for me I was dazed and plagued by guilt as I blamed myself for breaking the news of my daughter’s cancer to her . I knew she was going to be shocked just like we were when we first heard about it but I had not anticipated this. “What have I done?” I took my leave when the doctor said she had been resuscitated and stable. She was diagnosed of high blood pressure.
I should have just stayed back home. This was all a bad idea.
My phone buzzed. It’s my wife. Apparently she has called me more than ten times. I missed some. Actually, I missed all. I know how frantic with worry she must have been by now. In the rush to get Mrs Onifade to the hospital and all, I had literally zoned out, focusing on the situation at hand.
“Hello babe!” “Before you say anything, I am fine and very sorry for not picking your calls.” I rushed over my words anticipating the panic-questions that may follow.
“Thank God!” “I was so worried-sick. I even had to call Mrs Onifade to check in with you but her phone was switched off.” “What happened?” I heard the worry and relief in her voice all at once.
“Babe I’m driving in now. We’ll talk.” I replied as I hung up. She was already outside waiting for me. “Hey babe!” I said as I gave her a tired smile.
“Hey!” she said as she kissed and hugged me tight. I was lost in that moment. This is why I always look forward to coming back home no matter how bad my day has been because God had given me a woman who is crazy in love with me who will give me a kiss and a warm hug and tell me everything is alright. Sometimes when I am going through a very terrible day, I close my eyes and begin to imagine the fecundity of her love for me and everything dissipates to nothingness because I know I have her. Love is a beautiful thing.
We walked hand in hand inside the house.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Tito attempted suicide and Mrs Onifade collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. It…”
“Oh! My God!” she gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands and her eyes wide in alarm.
The sound of a shattered glass startled us as we looked from across the room to see our daughter look at us glazed and crying hysterically as she kept saying, “it is all my fault.”

Dr Morgan Ebong MD

As he reversed the black Ford Edge SUV out of the car park reserved for him and heading for his aunt’s place at the highbrow area of Ikoyi, he thought about the young man who he had just operated upon and how he had almost lost him when he suddenly went into shock. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to make it to the next day. His experience in the medical profession as a surgeon had taught him one thing; life is very delicate. So sometimes, people’s actions can be very intrinsic to the totality of how a person’s life is summed up.
He increased the volume of his car stereo as he slotted in the ‘Bed of Stones’ album by Asa.
The traffic was building up. He prayed silently that he would get past it before he got stuck. But that was not to be. He was stuck in traffic for forty – five minutes as the cars in front of him moved at a snail pace.
Frustration crept in and he was tired as he had a very busy day. The ‘Moving On’ song by Asa who happens to be his favourite Nigerian soul music artiste failed to fill the void as usual in circumstances like this.
His aunt had better not be annoyed about his lateness. He thought.  She had left for home after rushing in to attend to her friend, Justice Onifade.
She wasn’t feeling too well herself and had decided to take the day off but when she got the call about her friend, she had suddenly sacrificed her rest. It’s pretty amazing what we can give up and to what extent we can go all out for our friends. She once told him, “When God brings certain people your way, He makes them your family and not just mere friends.” His taut facial muscles relaxed as he thought about her.
She had taken him in and became his guardian when he lost his parents in a car accident while he was still a child. She had played the role of mother and father all at once. He became her only child since she had none of her own and has been a divorcee twice.
Marriage just did not work for her.
She had done well for herself though, she took over from her dad as the Chief Medical Director of ‘The Blue Chest specialist Hospital’ where he is now helping out as a Surgeon after taking a years’ break from working as a volunteer senior medical personnel for the United Nations in Afghanistan to have a feel of what it is like to practice in Nigeria.
The traffic light ahead turns green as the cars ease forward faster than ever. “Thank God! At least we are moving” He thinks to himself. He steps on the accelerator hoping to beat the red light he is sure is going to come up very soon. He is startled when he sees the mono-chrome black BMW 6 series Grand Coupé drive across him. He hits the break but it was no use as the impact of the two cars sent him to murky darkness. The BMW lay up-turned after somersaulting four times. The Peace Corps and other motorist ran off to help the occupants of both cars as people screamed and cried as blood trickled from both cars.
It was total pandemonium.

Design Credit : Ayodexterity.com

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‘My Name is Love and I’m not Stupid’ V (FAMILY)

Hello guys, sorry for my inability to post this last week. I decided to make this episode a bit long to make up for last week.
Hope I’m Forgiven!
Cheers!

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Dr Solomon

She was lost in thought. Looking back at her impeccable career as a reputable psychiatrist for the past 28 years, she could not reconcile that with her inability to help her only child who had over the past week become a shadow of herself. She was worried and sad. She was helpless as she couldn’t evaluate or analyse her daughter. She knew she was losing it. She was trying to stay sane as a mother. She refused to question God. She mourned for the many things her daughter will never get to experience in life. Like getting married and having a child. The joy of motherhood.
Hmmm…If only she had heeded their advice and gotten married to that handsome fiancé of hers, maybe, just maybe she would have experienced all this and more but she was so stubborn. Maybe she got that from her. She preferred to pursue her career first before thinking of marriage.
“Baby, please not again.” Mr Solomon said as he brought his wife back from her reverie. He had seen her like this ever since their daughter came home crying to them as she broke the news about their doctor’s diagnosis that she had Heart cancer (primary cardiac tumour) which she said was very rare and to crown it all up she was said to have just about three more months to live. The news had broken them as a family. They also prayed for a miracle.
They had both insisted that she get a second opinion outside the country which she did but the diagnosis remained, never changing. Sometimes life was not just fair, being one of the richest families in Africa whose name Forbes had brandished each year on their magazine for their contribution towards safe and clean water and low scheme housing and giving grants to young African entrepreneurs to invest in mostly agriculture, knowing all the important people in the world and being friends with government of many countries round the globe was not going to help them.
This was their own cross to bear.

Tosin

She bashed into my office crying and it was strange because I rarely see my best friend cry. She was more strong willed than most and thus she almost never broke down because according to her, “We are working in a terrain full of men who think it’s their birth right to be decision makers and the only creative creatures God created. We don’t need to show any sign of weakness as women so my dear when you are in this office you stop being a woman.”
“Babe what’s wrong?” I asked alarmed and concerned.
She won’t stop crying, rather at some point she started heaving and panting heavily as if she was short of breath which was actually very scary. Though I was rubbing her back trying to salve whatever pain she was going through, my mind went on a wild west trip trying to figure out what might have caused her this much misery.
Yes, I did think of her fiancé but he was so in love with her to break up or maybe she caught him cheating on her, after all it was what men had a talent for, but be that as it may, I will be shocked to my marrow. You know this thing about some people being so perfect to a fault, Tito was in that class. No! He was a Saint. So apart from him being the cause for her pain maybe there was trouble at home.
“Babe please calm down and talk to me” I said as I watched her cry. She suddenly stops crying, looks at me and gave me the most chilling news I have ever heard, “I have only about three months to live” she said in a hoarse voice as she let herself go to another heart wrenching tears. “God forbid!” I almost screamed. “It’s true.” she said in between sobs.
“How can that be?” I asked too flabbergasted to believe what I was hearing. I took the envelope I saw her clutch in her hand. It left me more confused than I was as the medical jargon was upsetting; but in between all the nonsense I did see it, it was written in bold black ink, ‘Heart Cancer (primary cardiac tumour)’. To say I was speechless will be an understatement. I could not comprehend it and I can’t still comprehend it till today.
This is a young beautiful lady with cogitation, a beautiful mind and a vivacious God lover. She has contributed so much to humanity through her various charities and foundations powered by her family’s enormous wealth. She was just too brilliant a light to be deemed by this cancer.
I can’t remember how we made it through the day because I cried my heart out that day. She didn’t even look ill, she had just complained of chest pains some weeks back before she went for her routine medical check up and now I was watching her life fold up in front of me.
Life was all vain.
“Promise me that you will keep this just between the two of us” she said with pleading eyes. Of course I was going to keep it between us or what did she think I was going to do. She is my best friend for crying out loud.
I wasn’t however prepared for the bombshell that she dropped when I asked “When are you telling Tito?”
“I’m not telling him, I’m breaking up with him next week when he returns from his business trip to London.” she said sotto voce.
“What? Are you out of your mind?” “Why would you do that to him?” “Don’t you know what that will do to him? It will kill him” “God!” “Please don’t even think about it” I reeled.
The look in her eyes was frightening,  I did not want to believe she meant what she just told me but knowing my friend,  I knew her mind had been made up and nothing I was going to say to her will make her change her stance. When she told me her many very stupid reasons to me why she was breaking up with her fiancé of five years, I felt sorry for the young man.
My friend can sometimes be a douche bag.
She was now wearing that mean bitch look that said ‘it has to be done’.
Since when did telling someone you love how ill you are become a means of robbing him of his life’s happiness, this was my friend’s theory.
As far as I was concerned,  she hadn’t really understood the real meaning of love nor the string of sacrifice that comes with it. She was doing the young man a great disservice because he won’t understand why the woman he treats like a god dump him after five years. And to think that they were going to get married in seven months.
Hmmmm…the twist and turns of life. It’s so not fair to him.

BOLATITO (Cambridge University)

I met her during my final year in college. The school café was crowded as I got in but I needed to take a bite at anything to help assuage the hunger that was haunting me. It was after getting my food that I finally thought of where to seat. That was when I spotted her inviting smile and the sound of her beautiful voice as she laughed with her friends.
I was popular with the ladies since God had decided to bless me with a 6.4ft height and a body to kill for. Well, being an athlete did help my physique too. I did hear that some ladies did fight over me in my absence, it was always funny but sounded dumb to me because I believe that what is yours will be yours. I had my fare share of girls but my studies were my top priority. So I refused to be distracted by them fine babes everywhere.
But today was different,  I just told myself “I must have her for myself”. So the wooing started, after all,  the women always did fall like a pack of cards at my feet. I knew there was something different about her though, I just couldn’t figure it out.
“Hello Ladies! Hope you don’t mind my sharing your table” I said as I took a seat opposite her without their consent. I didn’t mind if they did mind. They looked at me with their lustful eyes, something I was now very used to as I proceeded to devour he food in front of me. “What’s your name?” I heard one of them ask. Without looking up from my food I answered, “Tito”.
“Wow, that’s a cool and sexy name. The petite Asian lady who I later got to know as Ann gushed.
“Sorry dear, you are the wrong person to be hitting on me, it’s not you I want” I said to myself as I said “Thanks”.
I felt her gaze on me before I looked up to meet her stare. This face was unsmiling and bland. I smiled. The girl on her left, Tracy who was English asked, “Where are you from?”
“He is Nigerian, that’s if I’m not wrong” she said as she stood abruptly leaving her friends confused as to her reaction. “Girls, I’m leaving” she announced airily as she continued to give me that hostile look that made me wonder what I had done wrong. I never stopped smiling. It was obvious that she was the leader of the pack because the so called ‘girls’ rose to their feet flashing their displeasure at her as they made their way out of the café.
Okay! So that did not go well, I thought to myself. I refused to run out after her. I just knew I was going to see her again.
Now fast forward seven months later, she is sitting in my living room eating pop-corn as we watched Arsenal lift the Champions league trophy for the second time in a row. “Where are all those anti-Arsenal fans now” she squealed excitedly as she gave me a kiss.
Now I was distracted. Arsenal have won a trophy and I have me the perfect girlfriend.  She was my trophy.
I sat down there watching her jump up and down in celebration as I reminisced about how we finally got here. It was hell trying to woo her but we are here now.
“Hey love, what’s wrong with you?” she asked as she jumped on me laughing.
“Oh! Please; do you want to crush me with your weight?”
“Are you going to tell me what’s up with you or you want me to crush you with my weight” she said as she winked at me with a mischievously smile.
“God! You must be a very naughty girl” She laughed. “Oya! Tell me already.”
“Can’t you guess?”
“Guess?” she furrowed her brows as she looked at me. “Please don’t tell me you are pregnant” she smirked as we both  burst out laughing. “You must be crazy. How can I be pregnant. What will you be doing if I’m pregnant?”
“I will take care of you and our baby” she said as she scattered my hair.
“I have been thinking of how lucky I am to have you in my life ” I said as I stroked her long brown hair. She just loved carrying her natural hair.
“Hmmm…and I am thinking how lucky our kids will be for having us as their parents.” she said whimsically.
“Wow! You have gone Far!” I said smiling. We have been talking of getting married and raising our kids but I never knew she took it this serious. I was glad she was thinking this far but we had agreed not to rush things, to build our relationship brick by brick, chip by chip and every other thing will fall into place when the time came.
“And I am also thinking how lucky we are to have each other” she said huskily as we osculated.

*
FIVE YEARS LATER-TODAY

I don’t know what I have done to deserve this. She was so cold and direct. Was she seeing someone else? No! She can’t do that. I know her well enough. I haven’t neglected her in any way. We call and hang out as often as we can. I can’t take this. She is my life.
I need to write David a note before I sleep off. I hope they will all understand.

*    *     *

I am a twenty-five year old young lady bubbling with life and gusto; well, that was until a week and four days ago when I was diagnosed of Heart cancer. Something the doctors say is very rare. So now my life is a ticking time bomb filled with continuous and unbearable pain.
I am now a young woman who will not achieve any of her many dreams in life. Dreams like getting married to the only man that I have ever loved, the man that waltzed into my life and took the place of oxygen. I know you think it’s weird considering what you think you know of me but that’s what love does to you once your ‘love button or what most Nigerians refer to as ‘mumu-button’ have been pushed.
I have always guarded my emotions so well but I did not know when and how I fell for the ‘handsome hulk’ (that’s what my friends back in college used to call him). I remember one of those many conversations we had during our walk date in Cambridge when he said “…I don’t care what they say, for me, it will be a privilege to have my heart broken by you…”.
Wow! He was as crazy about me as much as I was about him. Now, that made the two of us.
Just yesterday my parents who are taking the news of my cancer in their strides did talk me down on why I need to tell him about my cancer. This did not go well, it rather led to a verbal altercation. “What’s your reason for keeping him in the dark about this” My dad asked petulantly.
“Honey don’t talk to her like that.” My mum said coming to my rescue. “I know you don’t understand that I am no longer the same. I am like a grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties” a quote from ‘the fault in our stars’ a book written by John Green which I had absorbed internally spilled out effortlessly but with so much pain. I don’t know why they want me to heap this pain on my love. I know him so well, he does not have the capacity to bear this news, but my beloved parents say I’m selfish and wicked. So much for a supporting family during my time of pain. Even my best friend Tosin supports them.
At this point I don’t know who is right or wrong but I just don’t feel it’s right to put him through this pain with me. God! I’m crying at the thought of him. But think about it; how will he feel when he realises that he will not see me again, that we won’t get married, that our kids will only exist in his head. That all our plans for the future will dissipate to nothingness.
And talking of pain, I believe that ‘ignorance is bliss’ because before now I never really thought of these multitude of sharp striking pain as cancer thus I never really focused on it but now it’s worse. All these prescribed drugs to alleviate the pain only work but for a while. I now understand what Hazel Grace went through in ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ when she said “Pain demands to be felt…It possess you and wills you to do its every bid…” because this pain is sometimes so intense, I feel so weak and short of breathe. It just won’t stop manipulating me. Now I have to take a break from work as the pain wave will hit me at random. They doctors say it is necessary to take a break, and trust my parents to ensure that I stay home. I know they try to mask the pain in their eyes and faces about the thought of losing their only child. I imagine their waking up to find that their jewel is dead and it breaks my heart. I see them pray for a miracle which I can’t bring myself to believe in at this time. I don’t know why. Maybe there’s no need to put on a forlorn hope.
Life is unfair. Why did life decide to chose me out of the billions of people on earth to be the recipient of this cancer. My mum has told me not to question God but I should rather thank Him and pray for healing.
Hmmm…How do I begin to thank God for cancer. That’s just insane. This is cancer we are talking about, in fact not just any cancer, it’s Heart cancer where no surgery can be performed. I know God is not wicked. I don’t question Him but I can’t thank Him either. The pain from  this thing is crazy.
Just imagine how vain life is. With all the wealth that we have amassed as a family, I still have to die in pain and yet the Bible says “Money answers all things”. Very funny.
There’s a knock on my door as my mum sashays into my room.
“My jewel, how are you?” “Has the pain gone down?” “Have you taken your drugs?” “Have you eaten?” She asks.
Rolling my eyes, God! I’m not an invalid I think to myself.
“Hi mum” I said good-naturedly. “Now, which of your questions do you want me to answer because they are all a handful you know” I said as I shot her a smile. Is my mum suddenly growing old? Because she looked twice her age already.  This is all because of me. God! She looks tired too. “Baby just answer all of them jor” she said as she laughed. Ha! Thank God, my smile got to her. She laughed.
“I’m fine and yes the pain has gone down a notch. I have taken all those colourful, awful tasting and smelling drugs. Oh! I loved the chicken and chips” I reeled out cheerfully with another dashing smile. She sat on my bed stroking my hair, reminding me of Tito who was animated with my hair.
“You don’t want to grow up. How many times have I told you that chicken and chips is no food for a healthy human being.” she scolded me with not much of a scowl.
“Has Tito called you?” she asks just as Tosin dashes into the room. Thank God. I didn’t want to have this Tito talk with her again.
“Good afternoon ma” She curtsied as she knelt down in greeting to my mum. “How are you dear?” “Fine thank you ma”. She stands up to leave paused at the door and says “Tosin dear, talk to your friend to eat well. Maybe she will listen to you.”
“I sure will ma but you know this one is very stubborn” she said as she shot me a smile.
“You see? Everybody knows you. You had better change” she said cheekily. “Ermmm, just so you know, your dad went to see Mrs Onifade” she said as she disappeared from the room.
“What?” I exclaimed but she was already gone. I was left fuming with Tosin giving me the ‘I don’t care what you think and good for you’ look.

DAVID

I went up the stairs to Tito’s room to find him sleeping on his king size bed. Why is he sleeping now when he called me and sounded as if his world had all but collapsed on him. He had better wake up and talk to me. As I walked towards the bed to wake him, I spotted the bottle with a note neatly folded in two. I knew what the bottle contained because I had bought it for him three months back. I called out his name as I paused and walked gingerly towards his bedside table to take a look at the note which I instinctively believed was for me. “Please God No!” I exclaimed as I read the scrawled note.

*To be Continued!

Graphic design credit : Ayodexterity.com

My Name is Love and I’m not Stupid III (FAMILY)

Hello Guys! Compliments of the Season!
Here is the 3rd edition of ‘My Name is Love and I’m not Stupid’.
I hope you enjoy as you take a Read!
Looking forward to reading all your Comments and do well to share the post, after all it’s a season of sharing…Lol!
God bless You!
Adios!

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I sat on  my ‘power chair’ (it’s what I call my executive office seat; to me it has always represented the position of authority and power I have over my employees and a smoke screen of who I am to my equals…), I sat  across him and I saw the pain in his eyes which he made no attempt to mask by his macho nature. The tears that threatened to break loose the flood gates.
I heard the pain in his usually deep sonorous,  sensual  voice and I saw that look of unbelief and betrayal and regret written all over his once charming and handsome face.
I knew I had hit him below the belt the moment I had uttered the words “sorry, I just don’t love you no more”. I knew I had lost him.
I watched my prince charming  lose his charm.

“Ife mi, why?
What did I do wrong that we can’t talk about?
How did we get to this point that you could be so mean to burn me with these carefully picked acidic words.
What happened to all our plans for the future?”
I looked on stoically,  refusing to give in to the many screaming thoughts in my small head to take back my words.
Just then, I saw the flood gate of tears open as tears rolled down his tender cheeks. I knew I had to do something before I lost it, I promised myself never to cry in front of him.
I stood up; walked to my window, looked at the skyline view and I told him once more the only word I could come up with, “I’m sorry…”.

“sorry? Is that all you have to say?

I have given this relationship five years of my life and all you can say to me right now is sorry?

I have compromised,  given up on so many important things in my life just so our relationship will survive and grow but this is all what I get, sorry.”
He suddenly stops ranting and total quiet envelopes the office.

“Please sunshine, don’t leave me now. Please stay with me.
How do I live without you, it’s impossible and you know it. You are the air I breath, without you I’m nothing.
I don’t even know where to start from without you. Please stay with me, I beg you.”
As composed as he tried to be and sound I could still hear the crack in his voice.
Shaking my head I turn to him with tears in my eyes and I said it again “Bolatito I’m sorry. I know you are stronger than  this; you will make it through. You can still live again, live without me. You may never be the same but you will get used to it eventually.”

He looked at her vacoucsly, not believing what was happening to him; to them.
This was not the loving and caring woman he had been in love with for the past five years. Something was wrong somewhere and he was determined to find out what it was.

“I’m not letting you go sunshine; we are destined to be together and so it must be. Don’t even imagine or think for a second that I’m going to let you walk out of my life. No! Don’t.”

She felt anger erupt from her inside that she hadn’t known was there rise to her chest as she gave him a deadpan look and screamed, ” Tito get the fuck out of my office and out of my God forsaken life. Damn It! We are not destined for anything, in fact there’s no such thing as ‘destiny and love’ so quit with all the drama already”.

She was visibly shaking with rage as she ordered him out of her spacious office.
If he was ever shocked before now, he was now taken-aback at her outburst and use of words and her effrontery to order him out of her office.
Somewhere deep inside of him he knew he had lost her but for some strange reasons he was in self-denial,  choosing not to believe all that has happened in the short space of time this morning.
His eyes gleamed from shock and the many shaded tears that willed itself to a halt.
He gave her a hard stare searching for the sweet beautiful soul he once knew but she was nowhere to be found in the image that stood imperiously before him.
He strode to the door without a backward glance at his sunshine; well maybe she was now his moonshine.
Now alone in her office she broke down and cried so hard that she shook from her inside out.
Tosin opened the door without knocking. She happened to be her best friend right from childhood where they grew up in the same affluent neighbourhood and went to the same school. They referred to each other as friends of life.
She spotted her friend slumped on the turkish rug in her office crying her heart out. The spasm of the pain that radiated from her was so heartbreaking that she couldn’t help but shed her own few tears as she joined her on the ground, hugging and muttering words of comfort to her.
“I see you told him off”. She said.
She rocked her in her arms until she calmed down. Tired and exhausted from the emotional drain, she knew she needed to talk to someone and thanked God that Tosin was here. She always knew all the right things to say in any situation. She was more or less her rock when ever she hit rock bottom which was not that often.
Tosin took her hand and led her to the sofa and went to make them black coffee just like they both loved it.
“So tell me everything that happened”. She said as she sat beside her.

“I don’t want to talk about it”. She replied as she sipped her coffee. “Okay! “So how did he take it?”
“Don’t you think that’s a dumb question to ask?”. She answered hot-tempered.
“Hey babe, calm down already. I told you to tell him the…”
“The truth?
Is that it? Tell him the truth he won’t be able to live with, the truth that will kill him?
I love him and I want it to end on that note.
I am protecting him. Get that in to your thick skull and let things be the way it is.
Do you know what telling him the truth will do to him?
He keeps talking of destiny and love but he doesn’t even know that destiny has nothing to do with love. They are both in a class of their own.
He doesn’t need to know the truth. He is better off without it.”

“Hmmm…you are so stubborn you know. So you are protecting him abi, but he is also in pains right now. He is in love with you to bear your burden with you.”
“That’s what happens when you are crazy in love with someone, you get to get some heavy weight shared or taken off your shoulder altogether. The person is supposed to be there for you to share in your pain and in your joy.
So babe, stop this selfish love display of yours. It’s not helping either of you right now”. Tosin opined.
As far as she was concerned, Tosin had always been a love addict, acting as if it was the only thing she lived for. She had a steady stream of guys fall at her feet in the name of love but at the end of the day she always came crying to her how they all  failed to love her, regaling her with tales of how they broke her heart but in all of these she kept believing in the so-called love. She was now madly in love with the very famous multi talented Lagos socialite and enterprising entrepreneur David a.k.a ‘Bishop’. She just hoped they will head to the altar already, at least this has been her longest and most peaceful relationship so far.

She had promised herself never to succumb to the idiosyncrasies of love until she had met Tito five years back.
It was like lightning the way she fell for him.
He was very funny and witty at the same time, he made her laugh until tears begged for release. He was also not afraid nor felt inferior to her because of how knowledgeable she was. He was in a class of his own. He also came from a wealthy family but that never reflected in the way and manner he related to people unlike some her colleagues who always took pleasure in putting down people they felt did not belong to their social class. He managed one of his family’s many subsidiary oil firms.
Yes! She might have fallen in love with the most down to earth, most handsome and charming man in the world but she was so afraid of losing herself in love for she believed that loving someone to the degree of losing oneself was and is still unhealthy.
She wasn’t willing to tell him the truth because according to her, she loved him so much to let him learn of what has happened to her.

In her books, it is wrong to tell someone you love with so much passion your secret, it will eventually become a burden to him as it is to you. So why  burden the person when you are supposed to make him happy.

Once he learns of your secret he cannot unlearn it.

It is wickedness to even think of allowing him bear the burden that might eventually kill him emotionally or otherwise.
It is better not to learn of a thing at all than to learn and choke on the truth.

The truth should be kept compartmentalized in a box somewhere in your head, far beyond the reach of the world, maybe until the world gets to know about it.
The truth is a jigsaw-puzzle that is the property of a single soul, not to be shared like chocolate bars to the people or person you love.

To her, she was protecting him.

To her, this was the only way to love him.

The years spent together meant nothing if the truth is known; better to cherish those years in pain and heartache than to throw away the memorable intimate moments they both shared in the last five years.

Yes! This is the best thing to do.

This is the price of love.

It is called sacrifice.

*         *           *            *                *
To be continued next to week

Graphic design credit: Gbadebo, Ayodele Solomon