The Tale of a Different Kind of Feminist


Hello Fellas! So today happens to be my birthday. No! Our birthday. (My friend Ayobami and I).
Here is a featured post to Mark the special Day!
Just so you know; she’s one of the many friends I have who prefer to read but not write because they think they suck at it so it took a lot of cajoling on my part to get her to write this piece.
It’s Awesome! Take a Read!

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So, I won’t call myself a ‘Fighting Feminist’, but perhaps today I will be one.  You guys might wonder why I’m saying this and what point I’m driving at. But just listen…
I got to extensively hear and understand this feminist word starting from an incident that happened in my former relationship. There was a slight disagreement that fateful day. My ex was so pissed at me and He hissed and called me ‘feminist!”. That was definitely not with so much love in His heart at that point. It sounded every bit like a spiteful, derogatory word. Well, I was pissed too and I scoffed; what does that even mean?!
It was forgotten for a while and I heard the word Feminist again.
It got me thinking. Who is a Feminist?!
You know, most people think it’s just a group of certain insecure females who feel like they are ‘man enough’ to compete with men. They think Feminists are those whose desire for power and ambition outweigh their thinking, whose sense of morals has been seemingly shaped into a wrong pattern… And then, men too with their ‘over inflated egos’ will fight with such people and even mock them. Well, I guess different people have their different opinions but hopefully, this will open and enlighten us. Well, back to my story…lol, like there is any sef. (Just walk with me).
Now, why did my Ex (*sighs* For the records, We broke up later on…Another story for another day) call me a Feminist? Did I disrespect Him? Was I anything less than a lady should be? Did I behave like the man in a relationship? Was I being ambitious and competitive? There must have been a reason. Apparently, as I later found out, He called me a Feminist because I refused to be in a relationship that continually pushed me down. I refused to be in a relationship where my voice was not heard, where I had no say whatsoever on pressing matters. I refused to be abused in a relationship; I refused to be in a relationship where my opinion, feeling, emotion and my very essence of womanhood was not respected. And that was the eventual cause of the breakup. Now; dear men, I’m not trying to say you all are the same or that we women are trying to compete with you for same rights and those over dramatic shows.  Well, that’s not what I totally have in mind as I pen my thoughts.
Even the society has not even helped us. You see, I love to get people’s opinion on issues and I asked my male friends what they thought about this feminist issue and of course I got various reactions ranging from, “Of course I love girl power” to “A woman’s place is in the kitchen and cutting my toe nails” to ‘whatever!’. I chat with some ladies and all they tell me is that after school, they just want to marry and become a housewife. Nothing wrong in that oh, But I just wonder,’ is that all there is to life?’ ‘As in, don’t you want to work, fulfill God’s plan for your life, become somebody? Your unique self? Outside your husband’s shadow?’. Due to this plain way of thinking, I see people abused in relationships but lacking the strength and courage to leave such a place. They say, I’m after all just a woman, the weaker vessel, Men are the head and blah, blah.. So, is that why they cheat on you, is that why they use you and leave you in the cold, is that why you should settle for less? These people now raise children with such mentality and the vicious cycle of ‘weaker vessels’ palaver continues. Now, I’m not judging or criticizing, we can’t be the same anyways.
However, I’m so sure God didn’t make us to just be a housewife or to just be a woman so we can give birth. In fact, I believe that the domestic function of the woman doesn’t exhaust her powers…To make one half of the human race consume its energies in the functions of housekeeper, wife, mother is a monstrous waste of the most precious material God has ever made. We were not made any less than a man. God created woman from the ribs of man. Not from the head to be above him, nor from the feet to be under him. God took us from the ribs to stand beside men. We too are special because we are extensions of him. Around this bone we were shaped, we were created; we were modelled perfectly and beautifully When I say this most times, people automatically hiss and say “You don’t want to get married”, and start with different stories. Do not get me wrong, I want to get married (in a Golden castle or in the moon, lol, some fairy tale dreams sha), I want to be loved by a man (Hmmn, Husband, where art thou?), I want to be a wife, I want to be a mother, I want to raise my Children. But I also want to be the woman God has made me to be. And I believe every woman should want that. After all that’s what purpose entails. This is not me starting up a silly fight between genders or just me being lazy and encouraging women to follow suit. This is not me saying women shouldn’t perform their house chores or fulfil their wifely or motherly duties. This is so not me asking women to disrespect men (or any other person) and be over ambitious for power. Far be it from that. Do not view it this way as that will be a distorted way of thinking. This is me telling the women to think outside the box, to be something, to fulfil purpose while still balancing it as a female. And to the dear men out there, please help us, encourage us to be something outside just being the ‘house wife’ or ‘kitchen maid’. Help us to fulfil our individual dreams and purpose. It won’t be used against you as most people think. It will make us all happy, you will be happy; we would love and respect you more. I would love to write and explain more but I think I should stop here.
Hopefully I have changed your thinking of who a feminist is. The word ‘feminist’ though sounds a little bit too extreme and weird. Calling purpose driven females ‘feminists’.
Just call us women! It’s way better.
*

About the writer: Ayobami Ajayi is a graduate of Economics from Covenant University, Nigeria and is presently on her masters programme at the University of Essex. She aspires to be the World Bank President in the nearest future. She loves singing and dancing. *And she loves me* Lol!

Photo Design Credit : Ayodexterity.com

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19 thoughts on “The Tale of a Different Kind of Feminist

  1. these chaps are gonna get my pen writing!!! Nice Ayobami…and Happy birthday to you both! God bless y’al in ur endeavors. Errrm..see u wen u bcm World Bank President! Go Vision 3030!!!

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  2. Wow that’s a wonderful piece. Though it was long sha but it was worth my time. I think you should write more often……….. but wait ohh that means you will be able to sing, act, dance n write. Huhhhhh…..uno what skip the writing. Lol
    Love ya

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 9ce 1. Feminism sometime gets a sort of unpleasant connotation because SOME women use it to hide their inadequacies. I like a woman who’s independent, a woman that can take decisions in my absence. Some1 I can bounce ideas off of and not some1 who must wait for OGA. I love food so I like a woman who comes outa D kitchen with a plate of something that keeps me coming back for more. My point is… let’s not make Men out of our sweet Women(God has already done that) cos they are unique in their own way. @Caleb, sorry I missed the birthday bro. Happy birthday to u both in retrospect

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  4. Our society today is no longer wat it should be bcos family wich is a unit of the society is failing or has failed in developing the child with values I consider “d missing point” btw wia we are now & wia we ought to be, reason being that parents (d man & d woman) are both busy making money leaving d child development to unknown persons whose background is unknown. Dia are defined roles for the man & d woman so d quest for d woman driving her dreams & aspirations without taking into cognisance home call for d child development wich is largely d cause of d challenges our society is facing today due to absence or displacement of values is highly questionable & anti-productive.

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  5. Nice piece. I enjoyed the literature and paid little attention to the whole feminist hullabaloo. I believe a purpose driven lady when called a feminist would definitely take that as a compliment and realize she’s on the right part to accomplishment. Kudos.

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  6. Pingback: #BN2015Epilogues: Caleb’s Highs & Lows Included Failure, Friends, Favour, Family & Faith! | Follow Naija

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  9. Wow, I just bumped into this over a year later and I appreciate the writer for writing this piece and I quite agree with her philosophy. We are not created to be our husband’s shadow or a housewife alone but we are created to fulfill a God given purpose even the proverb 31 woman fulfilled purpose. So yeah we are not feminist but Women

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